Going as Far as You Can to Find Your Way Home.

Many of the people who follow this blog support my work and I feel an explanation is in order for the sudden silence of the last few weeks. In collecting my work you support my efforts and I appreciate that more than anything. Thanks to you I don't stamp a time clock. Artists with patrons are a privileged lot.

We are free thanks to you. Because of that I think we have a duty to explore and to bring things out that few others get a minute to even think about. It demands a very deep involvement of the mind. That's why I'm writing this now, because right now I don't feel involved at all.

You see I try to maintain my updates as best I can, but things happen and unsettle my efforts, it's just the way it is. I float my boat but every so often it is over-turned, run aground. A few weeks ago my fathers illness worsened and I returned to Scotland. He passed away soon after I arrived. I'm not sure this has anything to do with the feeling of pointlessness I felt when I returned to Prague but I had been excited about my work before leaving. However on return I felt like someone else, the usual sense of drive to make pictures and series and to explore new things was gone. I couldn't care less. This is not like me at all.

An hour or so after we learned of my fathers death my wife called to tell me my son was in hospitable with a broken arm. I had only been away a few hours, he'd fallen from his bike. I felt I should be in 2 places at once.

I feel too many of us are shackled to things we don't need, poisoned by practice. I began thinking a lot about 'now' and what 'now' is. Well that was then and this is now and now I can't be bothered. I'm suffering from some kind of 'miasma'...and I have to get off my asma. I have the flowers to paint and the neck to cast in brass but no drive.

To be honest I did make ten new images last week, but they are not related to wine or my current projects and I'll likely never show them.

They are very different and I don't really know where they came from, I was just drawing. Today I tried to get started on my flower series but now I'm updating this blog. I still couldn't care less. But that I'm doing this, at least, is a positive sign I suppose.

I've realised that if one does ones level best 'now' the past will take care of itself. Perhaps the burden of raising my game is what I am shying away from. It's that river analogy again, somehow I will have to adapt to my new position or fight the stream.

Who knows.